What happens when you stop editing yourself?

or, when you're required to type 10 pages a week

In early September, I started Radical Collapse—a writing experience facilitated by the brilliant

Marcella Haddad

where you type 10 pages a week and end up with 100 pages in your hands.

Exciting. Scary. Productive.

I thought this would be just what I needed to finally finish the first draft of my memoir about my divorce and my mother wound. I started back in Fall 2024 and wrote around 17,000 words by the end of this August. Now, I am typing around 3,500 words a week!

Photo by Jakub Żerdzicki on Unsplash

While I’m thrilled to get more words on the page and get this baby closer to publication, I’m noticing an unintended consequence of writing 10 pages a week: I’m not editing myself.

When you have to type 10 pages a week, you click the Delete button less—who woulda thunk it???

My default mode was to type, then strategize a bit, and perhaps read back on what I typed before, and then type some more. Basically, I was trying to perfect it on the first draft.

I utilized Marcella’s one-on-one support right away because messiness scared me! She assured me that when we write, our most brilliant bits come after page 8…and they also come from just typing it all out.

This made me face myself. How I’ve been holding my words hostage, telling them when and where they’re allowed to go, and what they should wear when they leave!

Is that any way to treat your story? Especially when you’re writing about trauma?

NO.

In fact, this control mimicked how I felt in the marriage I’m writing about. What better way to heal than to allow my language to exist on the page without judgment?

In my professional work as a life coach, this is exactly what I tell my clients! You have to turn toward your feelings as they are. If you’re mad at them and, as a result, mask them, they don’t get a chance to live, grow, or evolve.

In Radical Collapse, I can let my words be alive. I can embrace the ick (at least I’m trying). That’s where the magic is.

Releasing comes first. Editing comes later.

Because erasing and manipulating where your story lives is just another way to deceive yourself.

I’ve done enough of that, and my next chapter grows from my gnarly roots, feeding me from within.

What have you noticed with editing yourself on the page? What’s your process? Comment below!

P.S. I’m hosting a FREE workshop called How to Break Up with Codependency (and finally figure out who YOU are) this Wednesday, 10/1 at 4pm PT/7pm ET. You should come! You also get a chance to win free coaching from me if you attend live. REGISTER HERE.